Meet Gary
Inventory Specialist, Sunstone Distribution Co.
Gary has been "managing" inventory at Sunstone Distribution for 23 years. He doesn't know he's the problem. He thinks he's doing great. His clipboard has never been digitized. His fax machine still works (allegedly). And your order? He'll get to it. Probably after lunch.
Gary is the solar industry's most beloved character — the face of everything wrong with traditional distribution. Not mean. Not malicious. Just... obliviously content.
Gary
Sunstone Distribution Co. — "Employee of the Month" (self-nominated)
Gary's Vital Statistics
Preferred Tool
Clipboard (paper only)
Communication Method
Fax machine, sometimes phone
Coffee Consumption
6 cups/day (minimum)
Lunch Break
11:30 AM – 1:45 PM (non-negotiable)
Employee of the Month
14 times (self-nominated)
Hold Time Average
47 minutes
Gary's Identity Package
Official Portrait
Gary at His Desk
Employee Badge
Confused Gary
On the Phone
The Shrug
Lunch Break
LinkedIn Profile
Gary's Greatest Hits
"I wrote it down somewhere. Probably."
— Gary, on your order status
"The fax machine is working fine. It's the paper that's the problem."
— Gary, on technology
"We don't do 'real-time' inventory. We do 'Gary-time' inventory."
— Gary, on modernization
"Your 200 panels? Let me check... after lunch."
— Gary, on urgency
"I've been Employee of the Month 14 times. They stopped counting."
— Gary, on self-awareness
"Transparent pricing? That sounds like a lot of work."
— Gary, on innovation
The Gary Cinematic Universe
Gary's Voicemails
4 episodesActual voicemail transcripts from Gary about your missing orders, pricing confusion, and lunch plans.
Gary's Employee Handbook
5 chaptersThe official Sunstone Distribution Co. employee handbook, written by Gary, for Gary.
Gary's Customer Service Transcripts
3 transcriptsReal (fake) chat logs between Gary and desperate EPC owners trying to get a straight answer.
Gary's Zodiac Signs
12 signsWhat your zodiac sign says about your solar distribution experience. Spoiler: it's all bad.
Gary's LinkedIn Profile
1 masterpieceThe most impressive resume in solar distribution. 23 years of 'inventory management.'
Don't Be a Gary.
The solar industry deserves better than clipboards, fax machines, and 47-minute hold times. Heritage Capital Collective is building the future of distribution — transparent pricing, real-time inventory, and zero Garys.